Something that I came to realize that sounds backwards is that if we’re not careful, we can actually be drawn to toxic personalities.
How can we possibly be attracted to people who drain the life out of us? Because they provide something in return that fills our own voids, albeit in an unhealthy and destructive form. We form codependencies. We get stuck in toxic relationships.
I have always been a “fixer.” When I encounter a problem, I want to fix it. When someone comes to me with their woes and negativity, I want to help them find solutions to whatever it is that is causing their emotional or psychic pain.
What I have found is that there are just certain personalities that can’t be helped or don’t want to be helped.
Some people just don’t want to be alone in their black hole of negativity and they exude a gravitational pull that locks you in if you don’t know it’s happening to you.
When you open yourself up to a toxic personality, they feed on your vulnerability and provide false comfort. When you try to escape from this cycle, they will focus all of their negative energy on you to tear you right back down.
They need to be needed and make it impossible to escape.
This is an excerpt from 40@40: Beware the Toxic Personality.
In celebration of my 40th birthday, I decided to write 40 blog posts to reflect on 40 of the most important lessons I have learned throughout my life. You can follow the full series here: